The Osita Cycle: Part Five

May 27, 1998 (Jefe)

"The Lady Vanishes"

"She's gone. God only knows where!" declared Erika. Sure enough - Dina, Dina's bag, Salvador's box of mushrooms, and the last parachute were all missing. Erika turned around - Salvador was quietly munching on his shrooms (as he'd abandoned all pretence of incorporating them in a sandwich). But that still didn't explain where Dina was.

"Maybe she's hiding on the outside of the plane - clutching the wing?" Roger meekly suggested.

"Don't be a fool! You saw what she was wearing - she wouldn't last 10 minutes out there! God - you're so stupid!" shouted Erika.

"But what does this have to with Michael Jackson?" queried Andres - glove in hand.

"Oh - it has everything to do with Michael Jackson," joked Jefe - who couldn't resist the opportunity for an unamusing sarcastic jab at someone who probably didn't deserve it.

"Man oh man - things only get worse. First Vito. Then Dina. Everyone and everything is against me!" cried Laurie. "Must I always be so strong? Sometimes I just want to..."

"Let's keep it together, people!" interjected Jefe, "We must have a plan. A good plan. Not a shitty one. And my plan is a good one. Probably my best plan today."

"Shut up with your obtuse rambling, Jefe, and out with the frigging plan!" interrupted Roger, eyes wide with fear and palms shaking. His attempts to smile casually only made him look worse due to his obvious fear-face.

"It's a cunning plan - this plan of mine. My plan is that we turn this air beast around and head back to Canada. We should make our own way back to Bolivia for the rescue which must come. Remember that Dina organized this flight. We should cut all our links with her - not to be trusted. No sir. The plane is fruit of the poison tree - so we cannot trust it either. In fact..."

"The pilot!" shrieked Erika.

She ran into the cockpit to find her worst fears realized. The cockpit was empty. This was a trap (and a damned expensive one too - cause planes aren't cheap). In fact - there was a note:

"See you in hell, senoritas!"
- Su Enemigo Vito

"Who's he calling a senorita?" asked an enraged Roger, trying as best he could to communicate with body language that he was no senorita.

"Quiet! We've got to fly this thing to safety! Who here can get us home?" asked Erika - awaiting the obligatory negative response.

"I can fly!" declared Salvador to incredulous looks ranging from Jefe's head-shake to Erika's bizarre imitation of a hummingbird on mescaline.

"How can we be sure that this is you and not the mushrooms talking?" sensibly asked Laurie.

"There's nothing in those mushrooms except pure fungal goodness. What are you all trying to imply?"

"Nothing!" replied Roger whose recent viewing of 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' filled him with dread about the probable result of Salvador taking the wheel. "I guess you're the man!"

"This is not my place to interfere," suggested the Bolivian stewardess, now re-appearing on the scene, "but why don't you continue to Bolivia - you were so worried about the plane - but surely if Saleem flies it - things will be OK. In fact I know an old abandoned airstrip where we can land it - far away from La Paz, and far from the eyes of Vito's spies."

"A grand idea!" declared Erika. Can you do it, Salvador?

"You know it, baby!"

*** End of Chapter 5 ***